Commandment I: Thou shalt honor thy brethren in strength.
Occupy not the bench without labor, nor claim the squat rack whilst thou scrollest. Thy rest timer is not a lease agreement.
The Ten Commandments
Confess honestly. The iron sees all.
Commandment II: Thou shalt cleanse the holy equipment.
Wipe away thy sweat. The bench is a place of worship, not a relic to be anointed with thine essence.
Commandment III: Thou shalt re-rack thine iron.
He who leaveth dumbbells scattered shall wander the floor for eternity, seeking the other 17.5.
Commandment IV: Thou shalt not offer unsolicited wisdom.
Preach not unto thy neighbour unless thy counsel be sought, lest thou become That Guy, whose name is spoken only in group chats.
Commandment V: Thou shalt share the tools of gainage.
If thy comrade waiteth, offer to work in. Muscle is multiplied in kindness, and so is thy rest.
Commandment VI: Thou shalt not claim many altars at once.
Supersets are thy right. But three stations, a towel, and a water bottle holding a fourth is an empire, and empires fall.
Commandment VII: Thou shalt avert thine eyes.
Admire the form of thy lift, not the form of thy neighbour. The mirror is for checking depth, not for hunting.
Commandment VIII: Thou shalt lift up the novice.
Mock not the beginner. Thou too once pressed an empty bar, called it a warm-up, and needed a sit-down after.
Commandment IX: Thou shalt silence thy devices.
Bellow not thy playlist upon the air. Nobody came here for thy podcast about crypto.
Commandment X: Thou shalt spot thy neighbour.
Offer thy hands when the bar descendeth upon the chest. But touch not the bar he can still lift, for it is his set and not thine.
Thy score is kept on thy device only. The iron judges; it does not snitch.
The Apocrypha
Verses too petty for the tablet, too true to omit.
- Thou shalt not film a forty-seven minute content session in the only power rack.
- Thou shalt not curl in the squat rack. This law is written in every language, including silence.
- Thou shalt not grunt like a dying yak for eight-kilogram curls.
- Thou shalt not ask how many sets remain, then stand forty centimetres away, breathing.
- Thou shalt not leave the leg press at four hundred kilos and vanish into the night.
- Thou shalt not take a mirror selfie in the doorway of the changing room. Thou knowest what is behind thee.
Questions Put to the Iron
Real answers about gym etiquette, delivered with a straight face. Mostly.
What are the ten commandments of the gym?
They are the unwritten rules of gym etiquette, here written down: honor other people's time, wipe down equipment, re-rack your weights, do not give unsolicited advice, let others work in, do not hog multiple stations, do not stare, be kind to beginners, keep your music in your headphones, and spot people who need it.
What is the most commonly broken gym rule?
Re-racking weights. It takes about eleven seconds and prevents roughly a hundred percent of silent hatred. A close second is sitting on a machine between sets while scrolling a phone.
Is it rude to ask someone if you can work in?
No. Asking to work in is normal and polite. Wait for the set to finish, ask between sets, and offer to change the weight yourself. Saying no without a reason is the ruder move.
How long can I rest on a machine between sets?
Sixty to ninety seconds for most work, two to three minutes for heavy compound lifts. The rule is simple: rest as long as you need to lift, not as long as your phone needs to load.
Do I really have to wipe down equipment?
Yes. Sweat is a bodily fluid, a bench is a shared surface, and the person after you is a human being. Most gyms require it, and in many places health regulations do too.
Can I do curls in the squat rack?
If the gym is empty and there is nothing else free, nobody will die. If squat racks are the scarcest resource in the building and people are waiting, take your dumbbells elsewhere and live a long, unbothered life.
Is it okay to give someone advice at the gym?
Only if they ask, or if they are about to injure themselves in a way you can clearly prevent. Unsolicited coaching is the fastest route to becoming the person everyone avoids.
How do I know if I am the annoying one at the gym?
Go through the ten commandments above and confess honestly. The site tallies your sins and hands down a verdict, from Saint of the Squat Rack all the way down to Excommunicated.